Desert Moon Page 21

  The measured glance softened. Abruptly Phillip rose and walked to her. “I believe we should go somewhere a little more relaxed. You were right. I remember nothing of you, but I want to know.” His kindness nearly broke her control. She stumbled a bit, and he caught her arm as they walked downstairs and into the courtyard. Blinded by tears, she was only barely aware of its beauty. His strong hold was all that mattered.

  “Now.” He seated her on a garden bench, pillowed with cushions, sheltered by a great cottonwood tree. “Tell me all about us.”

  For a moment Honor was speechless. “But—how can I tell you—it’s like talking with a stranger! Oh, Phillip, can’t you remember any of it?” A new thought struck her. “Not even knowing me in San Francisco?”

  “San Francisco!” For a moment hope flared but died as Phillip shook his head. “No. I remember nothing of the sort.” He must have sensed her distress. “Talk to me not as a stranger but as a friend. I promise not to interrupt.”

  It was the most bizarre assignment Honor could have been given. To tell Phillip, beloved yet not knowing her, how they met—everything!

  Honor was aware of the strong clasp of his hand as she leaned back on the bench. Hastily she sketched in their meeting and friendship in San Francisco. She skipped over the sorrow during Granny’s and Keith’s deaths and looking for a job, and went into how the Stones hired her and brought her to the Grand Canyon. Now and then he smiled, giving her courage to go on. After all, this man had fallen in love with her and proposed, even inviting her to Casa del Sol. Why should she fear him simply because he could not remember through no fault of his own?

  When she reached the part about meeting again at the canyon she was breathless, glad for the lengthening shadows hiding his face and her own. “I ran for the door, crossed the lobby, started upstairs. I could hear laughing voices. The next moment I was on the floor, staring up stupidly. You had been talking with Babs and the rest of them. You picked me up, recognized me.” A soft glow filled her face. “You said, ‘I say, I’ve knocked you down with my clumsiness. I should have been looking where I was going.’”

  There was a muffled sound of protest from Phillip. She continued, “It was the beginning of—of an old acquaintance.”

  “And love?” His stern voice gave her the shivers.

  “Yes,” she whispered. “What we felt in San Francisco when you asked me to wait for you all came back. As the days passed, and we spent time together at the canyon…” Her voice trailed off. She returned to the present with an effort. “You invited the Stones and me to visit Casa del Sol. You wanted to prepare your brother before we arrived. I have to confess, I am anxious to meet him. He’s grown to be something of an ogre in my mind.” She laughed nervously.

  As if galvanized into action, Phillip leaped to his feet to tower over her. She was instantly contrite. “I’m sorry! It’s just that I want him to like me. When will I meet him?”

  “Soon enough. Go on. The Stones couldn’t make it?”

  “No. He was called home. Is this bringing anything back to you?” She could hear him breathing hard.

  He shook his head and said, “I promised not to interrupt, but I have to tell you I know this isn’t easy for you. Believe me, it’s the only way.”

  She gave a little cry and put her other hand over his. “I’m so glad you understand! Last night I dreamed of strange, troubled hands reaching toward me. I woke up feeling something terrible had happened to you. That’s why I came early.”

  He released her hands and drew her closer. “I don’t think it’s terrible. I think perhaps it’s the best thing that ever happened.”

  “What a strange remark! Are you sure your head is all right?”

  “It’s fine.” He stood, propelled to his feet with almost catlike grace. “Honor, we must have dinner. You can finish telling me the story later. We’ll build a fire in the fireplace.”

  After the delicious dinner Mama Rosa served on a tray in her room, Honor followed the housekeeper downstairs to what evidently was the library. It was all she had pictured, with its blazing fire. Again she was grateful for the darkness.

  “Honor, the one thing you haven’t told me is how you feel. Are you in love with me? Did you promise to marry me?”

  Her shining hair curtained her downcast face. “Yes.”

  She could hear the sharp intake of breath before Phillip answered. “And you’re the kind of girl who would never go back on a promise.” It was not a question, but a statement. It brought Honor’s eyes to his.

  “I am bound by my word.” For one frightening moment she was back on the canyon’s edge, facing the storm overhead and the tumult in her heart. It was almost as if she were being given a second chance to reconsider. Phillip didn’t remember her. What if he never did? What if she was deliberately deluding herself into thinking she could be queen of this near-palace? The immensity of the very room in which they sat increased her doubts. What was she, a child’s governess, doing in this place?

  “Well?”

  Even as she opened her mouth to break the chains binding her to this unknown Phillip, memory of her position came. Granny, Keith, home—all gone.

  Even the security of her position with the Stones was gone. She could not go back. What did it matter if he didn’t know her now? When he remembered, he would still be her beloved, the man who was kind to Heather, who openly confessed a past dark with unsaid choices but who also reached forward to a brighter future here on the ranch with her to strengthen him.

  “You really think Phillip Travis is the husband you need?”

  Had he divined her thoughts, or was his memory returning? “Yes.” Once it was said, it was easier. “We will share our lives, create a home, have children—just as we planned.” It was all she could get out for now.

  Phillip broke away, turned to the fire and moodily stared into the flames. “Go home, Honor. Back to San Francisco. You will never find happiness here.”

  His command roused a demon of opposition she hadn’t known lay within. “Never! You asked me to marry you. I accepted. Surely you will remember in a few days.”

  “Have you ever been in love before?” He swung to face her.

  “Once.” She could feel a reminiscent smile turn to laughter as she confessed. “A certain soldier came to San Francisco—he asked me to wait for him.” She sobered. “When he didn’t write, I shut my heart and wouldn’t admit how it hurt.”

  “Phillip Travis?”

  “Yes.”

  He gripped her shoulders. “Are you prepared to deal with drinking, sometimes to excess? With other women?”

  Her confidence turned to fear. “But—but you said I was the one you’d waited for all your life. You said drinking didn’t mean anything when I was with you.”

  “And you still want to marry me?” Disbelief filled his eyes. “Even knowing those protestations might not be true?” His face slowly iced over. “Or do you expect me to change?”

  “I—I hope you will!” Stung by the agony inside she cried, “Why do you downgrade yourself? I know there is a part of you that wants more from life than idleness.” She faced him squarely and had the satisfaction of seeing him drop his eyes.

  “Did we talk about this at the canyon?”

  She had to be honest. “Some. You told me I was seeing the best of you there, alone, away from temptation. I want to help you, Phillip.”

  “What else did we talk about?”

  “Everything. Your desire to be more a part of the ranch, to convince your brother—” She broke off.

  She wasn’t prepared for the fury in the blazing eyes threatening to scorch her, or his low reply, “Forget about my brother!”

  “Phillip!”

  He ignored her cry. His eyes turned to black coals. “If you expect to have all your childish fantasies come true, you better keep moving. Phillip Travis is not a knight on a white horse.”

  She swayed, unconsciously putting up her hands in protest. “Why do you keep referring to yourself so? Or are
you pretending? Maybe you do remember.” Horror filled her. “That’s it, isn’t it? You do remember and are regretting getting entangled with a governess.” Her face felt tight, her lips parched. “You have changed. Did Babs convince you I wasn’t worthy? When you prate to me of worth, is it me you are thinking of, or yourself?”

  He sidestepped the question and gripped her shoulders again until she knew there would be bruises in the morning. “Is there nothing I can say that will make you go away?”

  “Only that you never want to see me again.” One final time she felt on the brink, but she ignored the bridge and plunged in. “Nothing else on earth can make me leave you.”

  Phillip’s face twisted, a groan escaped his tightly clenched lips. “Then stay—and may heaven protect you!”

  Even through her victory the bitter drop remained. She had forfeited the right to expect God’s protection—for Phillip. Shaken, she pushed down the thought and lightened the atmosphere. “I expect you to show me Arizona. Not just Casa del Sol but the White Mountains and the Oak Creek Canyon and—”

  “And just when are we getting married in all this?”

  Honor caught her breath. “Oh, not until you remember everything, and you will.”

  “I am already getting a clearer picture of the past from what you have said.”

  Joy skyrocketed inside her as she lifted her face and put her arms around him in a gesture both loving and protective. “Then let’s do as we planned. We can ride and talk and learn to really know each other!” She was amazed at her own boldness and dropped her arms hastily. “Phillip, you seem almost a different person here in your own home, almost a stranger.”

  She could feel his surprise as he asked, “Which man do you love? The vacationer at the canyon, or the rancher in his home?”

  “Since it will be my home, too, it will have to be the rancher—” She never finished. Slowly he crushed her to him, seeking her lips with his own. Her arms crept around his neck as she returned his kiss. “Why, Phillip, you really are a stranger! You have never kissed me like that before.” She pulled back and stared at him.

  “A man in his castle is a different creature than on any other ground.” A curious glint filled his eyes, and the lips that had claimed hers turned upward into a smile she did not understand. But when he held out his arms again, she flew to them like a homing pigeon. Stranger or not, Phillip Travis was the man she loved.

  Chapter 5

  Somewhere in the darkness a horse softly whinnied. Honor turned in the heavily carved bed then ran to the window. Why would anyone be out now? Moonlight sneaked through her slightly parted drapes to touch a clock on the wall. One thirty.

  Her eyes widened as she pushed the heavy drapes open. A tall rider was swinging easily onto the back of a white horse that gleamed in the moonlight. His upturned face brought a gasp to Honor’s lips. Phillip! The prancing horse daintily stepped away from the corral and down the path. Honor could hear the rhythm of hooves as horse and rider gradually increased speed once away from the hacienda.

  “How strange! I didn’t think Phillip would be the type to go riding at midnight.” A thrill shot through Honor as she shivered her way back to bed. The night was crisp, and fresh air streamed through the partly opened window. She breathed deep and hugged her knees. It all smelled so clean, pines and flowers. How could she be so fortunate?

  A smile lit her face in the darkness, sending a glow through her. The next instant it vanished in a frown. How different Phillip was in his own home! Why had he ordered her back to San Francisco? She could feel her heartbeat quicken. He could not be the selfish person he had described, or he wouldn’t be putting her ahead of himself. Even though he seemed firmer and stronger here at Casa del Sol, he must have been thinking of her happiness, afraid he could not fill her expectations. A protective wave of love for him replaced her other feelings. She would help him be what she believed he could be—in spite of his own protestations. No one could feel about the canyon the way Phillip did and yet be narrow-minded enough not to recognize a better way of life than that of his friends.

  The weakness of her reasoning hit her immediately. She refused to listen to the voice inside. She had chosen. She would not turn back. She would become mistress of Casa del Sol. The high ceilings of the spacious room echoed her whisper, “Is it all a dream?” She pinched her arm hard then rubbed the aching spot. No. She really was here. In her wildest dreams she had only imagined visiting a large ranch someday. Now she would be part of it, and when Phillip’s brother came—Honor’s face flamed in the darkness. Where was he? She hadn’t even thought to ask. How could she have blurted out as she had about Phillip’s brother being an ogre? Phillip must think her gauche if not downright rude. She set her chin resolutely. When he did come, she would make him like her. Much of her happiness depended on the unknown stranger.

  Now that she had seen Casa del Sol she should be able to conjure up a better image of Phillip’s brother than an ogre! He must be industrious. Phillip had confessed indolence, and the ranch still prospered. Her fingers interlaced as she promised the night wind, “Phillip is going to learn to work. He will be happier. I’ll start by asking to see the ranch. He can’t help learning when he sees how interested I am.”

  Honor shivered. “Learning! Will I ever learn everything there is to know about this place? Will I ever really be comfortable with Mama Rosa? She will have to teach me.” She laughed nervously. “Nothing in my background has fitted me for this!”

  Memory of the mule trip and resulting stiffness brought a rueful twist to her good intentions. “I’ll have to learn to ride. Not on that magnificent white animal I just saw. Maybe there’s a pony.”

  Her thoughts returned to the absent brother. No picture would come. Sleepy from her mental gymnastics, she turned over, wondering where Phillip had gone.

  A gentle tapping roused her. The brilliance of the sun pouring through the drapes she had left open hurt her eyes for a moment.

  “Come in.” She pulled the sheet up under her chin, stealing a glance at the clock. Ten! She had slept away half the morning of her first day at Casa del Sol.

  “I brought your breakfast.” Rosa’s brown face above the tray was as impassive as it had been the day before.

  Honor smiled warmly, noting it brought a response. The muscles in Rosa’s face relaxed. “Good morning, Rosa. What a beautiful day!” She slipped from bed and into a robe and slippers then ran to the window again. She looked down, amazed at the pang that shot through her when she discovered the corral was empty.

  “Where are the horses? And Phillip? I heard him ride out last night.”

  Rosa’s gaze was startled and there was a slight breathiness in her reply. “Felipe is not here.”

  “And his brother?”

  “Señor is not here, either.”

  Honor whirled. “You sound—” She broke off. It was not for her to comment on how Rosa sounded. “This looks delicious, but I can never eat it all!”

  For the first time Rosa actually smiled. “You will eat. Casa del Sol makes you hungry.” She fussed about, buttering the hot biscuits, rearranging the silver. “The peaches come from our own trees. The bacon is from our hogs. The honey is from our hives.”

  “Rosa.” Honor put her hand on the sturdy brown one. “I’m going to marry Phillip, but I don’t know anything about running a place such as this! I can cook, but not like this. Will you teach me all I should know?”

  The smile became a beam then faded. “It will be for Señor to say.”

  “Señor?” Honor was puzzled, then light broke. “Oh, you mean Phillip’s brother.” Something of her fear of the unknown Señor showed in her flat voice.

  “Sí.” Rosa moved toward the door. “Call when you have eaten.” She indicated an old-fashioned bellpull. Dignified, with no trace of the softer nature she had shown only moments before, Rosa opened the door and glided through.

  “Very much the controlling influence of Casa del Sol,” Honor told the empty room. “She changed
when I mentioned my new brother-to-be. She calls him Señor. He must be uno grande hombre.” Honor laughed at her own mixture of English and Spanish. “If I’m going to use any Spanish I’d better learn more than I know now!”

  The breakfast was delicious, and when she had finished Honor bathed and dressed, this time in a simple blue gown. She would carry her own tray downstairs. Perhaps Rosa would be a little friendlier. But it wasn’t Rosa Honor found when she located the kitchen after opening three doors to other rooms. Phillip sat at the gleaming white-topped table so out of keeping with the rest of the house.

  “Good morning, Phillip.” The pleats in her skirt swung as she started toward him.

  He motioned her back. “Don’t get too close. I’ve been with the horses and am not fit to be around beautiful ladies.”

  Color flowed freely into her face. He sounded like a little boy. “I saw you ride out last night. Where did you go?”

  “I had a lot to think of.” Laughter fled from his voice. His dark eyes held her as he pushed back his chair abruptly. “How about a ride this morning? You have breakfasted, haven’t you?”

  “So much I probably won’t be able to get on a horse!”

  Her fears were unfounded. Phillip led out a pinto pony a half hour later. Clad in knickers and boots, with her khaki skirt and a sombrero borrowed from Rosa’s daughter, Carlotta, she managed to get in the saddle with one gentle boost from Phillip. Her pony, Jingles, had an easy gait. Phillip said Jingles was a single-footer. It was almost like riding a rocking horse!

  Honor reined him in at the top of a cedar-covered ridge. “Does it never end?” Her eyes ranged from the red and white shorthorns grazing the valley floor to the already snowcapped mountains to the north. Casa del Sol’s roof shone red in the sunlight, warming the gray sage and green pines and cedars surrounding it.

  “It is a responsibility,” Phillip said. “A trust from my grandfather and father.” Honor sensed he spoke more to himself than to her. “Dozens of families depend on us and the way this ranch is run. Not just our cowboys and other workers. We furnish meat for a lot of Arizona.”